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I know you’re expecting to see a bunch of tips on how to be confident but I’m sorry I don’t have them. I would even be glad if you had some tips for me. This topic was recommended by an active reader. Her support is huge and I’m grateful. She asked that I write on this topic a few weeks ago and I’ve been trying to. Every time I tried, it just didn’t go the way I wanted it to. How can I teach someone what I’m still learning? I don’t even think anyone can teach anybody how to be confident. I believe that confidence is a thing of the mind. Let me tell you how I finally came to this conclusion. A few weeks back, I was in the kitchen with my S/O. I was listening to the sound from a video. It was an Instagram live video I just had playing in the background while I worked. I had subscribed to a free 5-day class on confidence. He was curious and so he asked me what I was listening to. I told him what it was and he asked me if I thought I had confidence issues. I said yes and he said he didn’t think I would have admitted that. He talked about how he would hype me up and tell me how amazing I was and I still wouldn’t believe I was all that. This happened way before the topic was recommended.

As much as I think the influencer that created the class is amazing, I didn’t think it was for me. The thing about me when it comes to learning something is that before I start I can almost already tell if I’d gain anything from it. At some point, I thought it was just me being lazy but as time went on, I figured out that it wasn’t laziness. I respect this influencer because I’ve seen how she carries herself and talks about herself on social media and her YouTube channel. If she tells you she’s beautiful and you didn’t think she was before she told you, you would have to agree with her. That’s how confident I think she is about herself. This was the main reason why I decided to join the five-day class. I also wanted to prove to myself that I could commit to finishing the five-day class even though at a first glance I didn’t think I was interested. On the first day when I joined, it was just basic stuff to me. And so I told myself that I wouldn’t be too forward. I don’t want to elongate this post so I’d just get to the point. I have three points to make actually.

Firstly, the most confident person can have an “insecure phase”. This is one of the reasons why I find it hard to pick a “role model”. We are human. Everyone has this picture of themselves that they want others to see. What we forget is that there’s the real part of us that a lot of us don’t show. Someone could make a video of how they think they’re perfect and everyone should too. People go to the comment section and type “yasss” and “periodt!”. But the camera’s off now and they are crying about how much weight they’ve gained over the week. You’ll go through an insecure phase. It’s fine. You just have to figure out how to overcome it.

My second point is that being confident is a thing of the mind. If you step into a room like a boss, people are bound to respect you. The way you carry yourself makes people around you want to treat you the same way. It all comes down to you. Who do you think you are? Who do you want people to see you as?

And lastly, all the self-help books in the world won’t do anything if you don’t make the move. As much as the “Get confident” class was very interactive, it’s easy for you to just not change. It works for some people because it helps drive their mind towards what they should be doing right but if your mind never gets driven or if you never put in the conscious effort, you might not have any reasonable output. 

Ps: Think about this. Why is it so easy to accept an insult than it is to accept a compliment? It’s so easy to feel bad. Think of those times when you had something bothering you and someone you hadn’t told at all could already tell something was wrong from your body language. Think of confidence as “only thinking of amazing things about yourself”. That way you’re exuding the right energy.

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